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My mom is the most remarkable woman I have ever known. She may not have been famous but she touched and guided many lives - sometimes without even knowing it. I unfortunately did not recognize her depth and wisdom until I had entered into adulthood. She somehow (and still to this day am unable to figure this out) managed to bring up six healthy and productive children and countless grandchildren and some great-grandchildren. She was a 'Mom' to all that knew her and referred to as 'Bmom' by all. She was always working at any odd job she could that would enable her to be at home when needed - passing out samples to surrounding neighborhoods, washing gym towels from our Junior High School, working all night at the counter of the local hospital emergency room, and the list goes on and on. She passed away several years ago after about 10 years of living with Alzheimers. It is just now that I am able to even begin to write about it but hope that in doing so I may be able to help others.

I will try to document the 'STAGES' as I remember them

LAUGHING ABOUT GROWING OLD

Almost every Friday night the family would gather at our parent's home for a night of Poker, good old conversation, and spending time together. Each person maitained a coffee can filled (or not so full) with assorted coins. The amount of change would flow from one can to another each week, but the cans always remained sitting on the top shelf of the kitchen pantry - and no one ever touched them except on Friday night. A really outrageous bet was a quarter but you always knew who was bluffing. It was one of these nights that I first noticed something was wrong with mom. Out of the blue, she asked which hand was higher - a flush or full house. At first everyone thought she was trying to bluff or just be funny, but I could see in her eyes she did not know. This was the beginning of a trip that I would not ever want anyone to take. My heart breaks just thinking about it. Her name to all was Bmom.

FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN

For a least a year, or maybe even a little more, she continued to forget little things, but still we kept applying various excuses - she's just getting forgetful in her aging years, she's been drinking, she's tired, she's not feeling well .... Finally one day I got a call from mom and she was crying. She wanted me to tell her how to make meatloaf. She was crying so hard, she had made meatloaf a million times but she could not remember how. How do you make meatloaf she cried to me. I started crying. I was living 60 miles away at the time which meant a 1 and 1/2 hour drive. I just looked at my husband and said, we have to move. Within a month we were living several blocks away from Mom and Dad.

DEPRESSION

The next few years were wonderful because we were so close we could visit so much more but the requests from mom were getting more frequent. She would call and ask if I could come change the TV channel because she wanted to watch her favorite game show and could not remember how to change the channel.

By now we suspected that she had alzheimers and had taken her to doctors for tests and confirmation. At the time there were no sure diagnosis, but she began taking arisept, which appeared to help a great deal. I remember one test she took which was a series of questions and tasks. The doctor asked her to draw a picture of a clock which was set at 3:00. Her face went blank with fear as she instantly knew she had no idea how to draw that. What seemed to be minutes, passed without motion, then she raised her hand and glanced at the watch she was wearing and began to draw. As the doctor and I exchanged glances, she said - she's ok - she still knows how to cheat! The humor cut through the tension but we both knew the real answer.

During this time, mom became more and more withdrawn and depressed. She started taking more medicines to help but it didn't really. She was mostly just sad and moments of clarity were becoming shorter and shorter. She was so afraid and constantly aked me - "When will I start getting better?"

BMOM's WORLD

The next stage began the true realization what Alzheimer's is all about. She starting living in her own little world, and the only thing we could do was join it with her. Some tried to correct her if she appeared to be talking to someone not there, or correct her if she started talking about someone as if it was another place in time, but I soon learned, this was not good. It just made her more confused and fearful. WE had to put ourselves in HER reality. For weeks she kept frantically looking for the 'baby'. As we learned to 'join her world' I bought her a doll and blanket and she held her baby all day - for days which was very conforting to her. She had spent her entire life watching children. I was one of 6 and as each of us married and had our own children, mom became the 'other' mom for our children. She watched many of her grandchildren every day and we should have put a sign of the front door 'Bmom's Daycare'. I even lived with my parents for about 5 years after I had left my husband. My three were 2, 3 and 5 at the time. So my mom did become their mom - I was either always at work or school. Not only did she take on many grandchildren, but neighborhood children as well - and other relatives' children. She was the most loved 'Bmom' that I have ever known, not by just a few, but by so, so so, very many.